today is the day....

today i declear myself free of the chains of my past.  No matter what the negative thoughts or opinions are that people from my past possess.  Those opinions are not always based on reality, therefor cannot be given any amount of credibility.  it is impossible to continue to move forward in life if the only thing one keeps looking at is the past.  The only way to let go of anger is to let it go.  i cannot change the person alex is.  I cannot make his mother grow the ability to think for herself.  I can however change the way i act toward them.  i can allow myself to stop trying to live up to their expectations of me.  They expect me to react to their incendiary remarks exactly the way i have.  they say those things because they know it gets to me.  Because those remarks will ring in my head for days and i will spend countless hours conjuring up different defences to convince them of my innocence.  Only not one person will listen to my well thought out defences because only i am still standing there begging to be heard.  i am not a bad mother.  i am doing everything i can to provide a better life for my kids.  i dont live off of the child support that is suppose to be send to the kids.  i work for living and i pay my bills.  

well....

ok so why cant some people just grow up?  the sperm donor is really creating havoc in my life.  we have not gotten any child support at all since december.  so why would that matter you may ask? well i dont know about you but not having the 500 dollars a month after awhile just becomes annoying.  its more than annoying.  its downright infuriating.  why does he think he can get a way with this? or why does he think its ok to try to get around the system?oh yeah because he is a slick willy... argh.. 

well then

well then..

This is my first try at blogging.  Not sure how often i will get a chance to get on here and update but i would like this to become a place my family can come and read updates about our life and see pics too.  my family is very scattered all over the world, so this might be something we can all use.  now, let me just say that i have never done this before so i am not really sure exactly what to do.  But you never learn if you never try right? So lets see what happens.  

any way 

thanks for stoppping by.