today is the day....

today i declear myself free of the chains of my past.  No matter what the negative thoughts or opinions are that people from my past possess.  Those opinions are not always based on reality, therefor cannot be given any amount of credibility.  it is impossible to continue to move forward in life if the only thing one keeps looking at is the past.  The only way to let go of anger is to let it go.  i cannot change the person alex is.  I cannot make his mother grow the ability to think for herself.  I can however change the way i act toward them.  i can allow myself to stop trying to live up to their expectations of me.  They expect me to react to their incendiary remarks exactly the way i have.  they say those things because they know it gets to me.  Because those remarks will ring in my head for days and i will spend countless hours conjuring up different defences to convince them of my innocence.  Only not one person will listen to my well thought out defences because only i am still standing there begging to be heard.  i am not a bad mother.  i am doing everything i can to provide a better life for my kids.  i dont live off of the child support that is suppose to be send to the kids.  i work for living and i pay my bills.